I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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