You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize