theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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