I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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