dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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