goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The Olympian is in my bed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
