i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
