There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
