my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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