when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
