I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
