I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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