in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
