I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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