I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
