Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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