Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
