It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
