Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
