Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
