I accidentally burped into my bong.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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