There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
