Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
