Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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