Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
