i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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