everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
