i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His nipple licking is glorious
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