why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
