i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
