Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
