I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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