Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
