She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize