did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
