Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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