woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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