I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
