I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
