I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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