Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
