1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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