If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
