Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
