Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
