Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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