1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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