I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
