That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
