im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
