Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
