i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
