Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
