I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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