Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
