There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
