Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
