you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
