Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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