and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
