I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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