He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
