bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
