Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
