I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
