She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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