So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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