My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
