No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
