Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
