You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
