We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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