I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
