I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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