Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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