dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
