I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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