its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
