Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
