HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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