i jhust puked up my retainher.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
