They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to fling myself into the sun
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
